Subject: Fwd:  My response to Bleu (was : One thing that wasn't cool ... )

--- In burningcorn@y..., Joseph Dunphy wrote:


The one picture that I did object to is gone, and apparently the
videotapes won't be making it to cable access, at least not unedited.
My specific, personal complaints have been addressed. I would have
preferred to have seen this resolved on a less adversarial level, but 
what is done is done.

I don't agree with Mr. Lewis' apparent belief that there is some kind 
of sinister motive at work in all of this. However, I do have to admit 
that I have my doubts about whether or not what I write here, will be 
given a fair-minded hearing, or really any real hearing at all. It is only 
out of respect for Bleu, that I respond to her letter on this list. There 
was a lot to respond to, so I'll break this one up for readability.

Bleu wrote :

> Joe, I know you don't have a problem with your nakedness being 
> posted because you gave me permission to post my pictures 

Yes, I did. I had no objection to Bleu photographing me. I have
objection to her putting those pictures on her website. However, it
doesn't follow that I'm OK with everybody else doing so.

> (which came out quite
> nicely, I might add) 

Good. :)

>-- I think it's just the fact that you weren't
> asked that you have a problem with. 

For the most part, yes, that's exactly it. People on this list, really
need to learn how to listen, because I've been saying just this, over 
and over. It's not about shyness. It's about respect.

Personally, I think that the nudity taboo is one of the silliest 
things that mankind has dreamed up, in the course of its mostly silly 
history. Clothing is basically thermal insulation, with decorative 
possibilities. If somebody feels perfectly warm without it, where is the 
logic in feeling that it is a necessity ?

In a sane world, there would be no issue here. Being photographed 
naked, would be seen as being no different than being photographed without 
a parka, or a veil. But we don't live in such a world, not yet, at any 
rate. Nudity still has social consequences. There are still people who 
will think much less of you, if they see you engaging in it, in what they
consider to be too public of a fashion.

Are they being silly ? Perhaps. But, to some extent, we must, as 
people, make allowances for each other's silliness, because otherwise 
nobody will associate with anybody else, and that is not a good outcome. 
So, one compromises. One considers those, who one personally considers to 
be worth the effort, and who one might make part of one's world. The 
question is not, "If they are being reasonable, will they object ?". The 
question is, "How difficult will it be for them to get to the point, where 
they see that this is reasonable, and they accept it ?" For this reason, 
it makes a big difference, who is doing the asking.



If somebody I considered to be a close friend made a video 
documentary of Burning Corn, and wanted to submit that video to "Image 
Union" on our local PBS affiliate, I wouldn't object. The sort of people 
whose quirks I am inclined to accomodate, would respect the fact that I 
agreed to this, because I was willing to be part of something that a 
friend was doing. They might be amazed that I didn't seem embarassed, but 
I would not have lost their respect. If I agreed to such a thing, with an 
absolute stranger, the reaction in many cases, would be a lot different. 
Social opportunities that would be worth the effort, would be lost.

I'm not going to claim to be Bleu's friend. We're only known each 
other briefly. But she has made a very powerful, and positive impression 
on me in a short time. When I tell her that she need not even ask, that 
she has blanket permission to snap any picture of me she wishes, and use 
it as she wishes, that is an expression of my trust in her. I know 
whatever she does, will be done in good taste, and with respect. I 
extended this small consideration to her, as a sign of how highly I 
thought of her, as a possible friend (and still do). The kind of people I 
get along with, would understand and respect that.

> If you've changed your mind about my pictures, let me know because
> you're quite recognizable in them.

which, I don't mind at all. Not only does Bleu have permission to 
post her pictures of me on her website, I want her to. I'd even be a 
little disappointed if she didn't. I'd be even more disappointed if she 
obscured those photos, just to protect my privacy. I'd hate to see a nice 
photo get smudged without reason.

Strange ? Not really. One will agree to things with a friend, that one
would not agree to with a total stranger. Were it otherwise, 
friendship would mean nothing. It is fun to be part of something that a 
friend is doing, and if there are a few small hassles in the process, 
they're just plot twists for another story. Plus, friends are there for 
friends, and if my agreement or cooperation helps a friend with something 
with something that is of interest to her, my giving it is part of my 
being a friend, and that means I'll agree to a bit more, than I usually 
would.

And the thing is, Bleu acts like a friend. When she came up to me, 
she did ask if it would be OK to snap a picture. No problem. In the car on 
the way back, out of curiosity, I asked her if my photos would be on her 
new website, when it opened. "If you're comfortable with that", she said. 
I was. The fact that she actually does care about whether or not I am
comfortable with something, makes it a lot easier to be comfortable 
with her. Comfortable enough to say "you don't even need to ask".

A little respect goes a long way. Something to think about, when you 
deal with the subjects of your photographs and videos.



                                                      Joe
--- End forwarded message ---