He wanted a business that would drive people mad.

A drycleaning plant was the idea that he had.

They had fabrics that shrink, discolor, and get distorted

Whites that turn gray, and in no special order.

There were fragiles mixed with plastics and leather,

Buttons and sequins that all melted together.

There were competitive plants, one on each corner,

It was easy to see, the more the better, he said, since he loves company.

They had failures, bankruptcies and Chapter Elevens,

All these fools, he knew, would never see heaven.

It had greedy landlords, outrageous rents, with triple net leases,

Terrible stains of blood, and of urine, of muck or feces.

White stains, liquor, coffee, nail polish or paint,

Solvent odors, ammonia, sulfur — smells that caused you to faint.

They leave pens and lipstick hidden, it’s all documented,

That explode in this process that someone invented.

They got mechanics that get paid with invoices no one contested

With breakdowns on schedule, when they’re least expected.

He put solvent in the ground to confuse the town and your heirs,

With retroactive liability, so lawyers get a piece of your shares.

He set 12 hours, seven days, as working conditions,

Forget about family, your health, golf or fishing.

He looked all around to see what he had done,

Threw in high-price unskilled labor, just for the fun.

He thought he would add in some colors that bleed and labels that lie,

Low profits or losses, and with customers that cry,

They bring in their clothes and leave it behind

And you have to care for and store, forever in time.

He knew somehow, something was not on the list,

Could it be “no return on investment” was the thing he had missed?

He set high pressure steam with humidity, so hot you would choke

For this was his signature, his own special joke!

To make sure you question, can you breathe and still be alive?

So he set the temperature at One Hundred and Five

Then he threw in OSHA and EPA, and knew no human could dwell.

It was time, he boasted, and smiled,

“Drycleaning sure beats HELL!”

He took this crazy business and turned it all around.

He knew it would be hard work, but rewards would be found,

The Devil had done a job, but he would stop him in his tracks.

The technology was there if he only used the facts.

So he bought new equipment that would end forever muck to cook,

No more would he be gasping, and have that yellow jaundiced look.

He came up with cartridge filters that cleaned colors dark or light.

Now with his neat hands and clean solvent he made whites forever bright!

Continuous distillation was the secret ,and every load was the best

Virgin pure solvent, and the clothes looked great and kept his mind at rest.

He sealed the entire unit, no more venting to the atmosphere,

Now he and his neighbors could breathe clean air, all with little fear.

He could buy solvent by the ounce and no longer by the drum,

Which brought the end to wasting perc, (you know he wasn’t dumb).

A micro processor controlled the load and released it dry and faster,

Finishing was more efficient, and pressers stayed on the job and lasted.

He tried his hand at wetcleaning, which took a little skill,

You had to control the drying, but the service added money in the till

Still he stayed with drycleaning and with perc, since it was all so germ free,

And no way bacteria could survive live steam pressing that I could see.

Tandem pressing was the rage that did two garments in the space/time of one.

Finishers smiled, more quality production and more money was to come!

He air cooled the plant with ceiling exhaust fans to keep hot air moving,

Now production increased, quality went higher and just kept improving

A third ofthe  customers still left for some odd reason, it was a crying shame,

Not for price or quality, but “Counter Indifference” was to blame

Computers changed the look and proved “Up Front Was Where It Counts,”

So he insisted on smiles, uniforms and name tags. Sales began to mount.

Locations are important if you want to serve the area township and do it right,

So he added a route for service, with accommodating calls, day or night.

It seemed prices for goods and services for all products kept increasing,

While drycleaning for 20 years was the same, even discounting and decreasing.

So he made certain his quality, service and packaging were the best to tell,

Then he brought his prices up and told the Devil he could go back to hell.

He consulted with EPA and OSHA, which turned out to be a blessing,

For there was nothing carcinogenic — they were just guessing.

He thought and said “Will I ever have it made? What am I working for?”

But the reward soon came to him: “Welcome” as he knocked on heaven’s door!

Ray Colucci, a consultant to the fabric care industry, has revised and made available three timely pamphlets: “Up Front Is Where It Counts” for counter training; “Pressed for Perfection” for finishing techniques; and the popular “Route to Success” for complete route training. The pamphlets are $20 each or all three for $50. Immediate delivery with all postage paid is promised for requests sent to R. Colucci, 410 Warren Ave., Mamaroneck, NY 10543.