State remediation group elects chair

By Bill Bogus

He said: “What do you charge for cleaning a pair of trousers?”

I said: “Four dollars.”

He said: “My goodness, that’s too much. The one-price drycleaner charges half that much. Your Price is too high.”

I said, “Take it to the one price cleaner.”

He said: “I already did. But I brought the suit coat to be cleaned.”

I said: “Why me?”

He said: “Because it has an ink stain on the front, and the one price cleaner looked at it and said it won’t come out. A friend of mine said that you can remove it.”

I said: “What’s his name?”

He said; “I don’t know, he’s just a friend. He works for the one-price cleaner. That’s all I can tell you. I’ll appreciate it if you can take the spot out. I spent a lot of money for this suit. It’s the only one I have. Please give it a try.”

I said: “Let’s go back to the spotting board and give it a try. By the way, what’s your name?”

He said: “Tony. Friends call me Tony Baloney.”

I said: “Why is that?”

He said: “Baloney is my last name.”

I said: “Here we are, Tony. This is the spotting board. Give me the coat.”

He said: “Man, you’ve got all kinds of chemicals. Do you use all of them?”

I said: “Not at one time. Now let’s look at the coat. Looks like the one-price cleaner didn’t give it a try.”

He said: “No, he didn’t. He convinced me the ink stain was impossible to remove.”

I said: “OK, let’s see what’ll make the ink bleed. I’ll put a little of this on and see what happens. Now tear off a sheet of toilet tissue that’s right behind you on the shelf. Fold it and squeeze it on the stain. Now what do you have?”

He said: ‘There’s ink on the tissue.”

I said: “We now know the ink is solvent soluble and can be removed. I’ll have it out in a couple of minutes. There is just a wee bit of ink over here. Do you see it?”

He said: “No, I don’t.”

I said: “That’s all right. It’s all gone. No more ink.”

He said: “Holy mackerel! You sure know what you are doing. The next time I have a bad stain on one of my garments, I’ll bring it right here because I know you can remove it.”

I said: “Stop for a minute think what you just said. How often do you get ink stains just like the one you just had.”

He said: “I can’t remember, maybe once a long time ago. Why do you ask?”

I said: “I’ll tell you why I ask, and I don’t want to sound resentful or offensive, but there are people like yourself who patronize the low discounters or the one-price cleaners until they have a problem then they look for a professional drycleaner. He’s the one that understands and knows how to take care of problem, just as I did for you. Now tell me the truth, Tony, would you still wear the suit jacket with the noticeable ink stain on the front?”

He said: “No I wouldn’t. I’d have to buy me a new suit.”

I said: “Do you think I saved you some money?”

He said: “You saved me a lot of money.”

I said: “I think you are getting the drift of what a professional drycleaner can do. It takes time and money to do quality work. Garments are checked before and after drycleaning. Pressing is not a slam and hang operation. It takes time to assemble and check for spots that appear after pressing. Garments are checked for a like-new appearance that would please the customer.

“In order to do this the drycleaner’s solvent must be in tip-top shape. In order to accomplish that, good filtration is needed, and just as important is distillation. Distillation removes the contaminants that carbon and filtration does not remove. Distillation removes the cleaning solvent from the impurities. The drycleaner who neglects solvent maintenance prorates filter and dirt during the cleaning cycle. Garments with the most dirt and crud come out cleaner at the end of the cycle. Garments slightly soiled and perhaps with an oil stain pick-up a great amount of filth and dirt which the owner of the garment didn’t expect.

“There is no question that cheap prices beget cheap cleaning. It costs money to do better cleaning. Discounters give lip service for quality. Professionals give results. Even with high volume, discounters become losers. As long as ‘hands-on’ is a requirement in drycleaning, volume can become as destructive as a Mississippi flood.”

Two guys had the same idea about discounting. Their idea was watermelon. They drove down south, bought watermelon for a dollar a piece, sold them up north for fifty cents a piece, regardless of size; just like the one price cleaners.

They were busy selling melons until their accountant warned them: “Hey, you two guys. You are going broke. You can’t sell melons for 50 cents when you are buying them for a dollar. The two guys said: “Don’t worry; we’ll fix that.”

“How?” the accountant asked.

The two guys said: “We are going to get ourselves a bigger truck!”