25 lessons learned in 25 years
This year marks my 25th year as a labor
lawyer. In that time, I’ve learned a number of things
that employers might find interesting.
1. It is unrealistic to expect employees
to keep secrets. Eventually, everyone will know the secret,
except perhaps the boss.
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3. Employers never get enough credit for
wage or benefit increases, but they get all the blame for
layoffs and cut backs.
4. If you pick up a starving dog and feed
him, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference
between a dog and an employee. (My apologies to Mark Twain, who
learned it first).
5. Every time you cut an employee a break,
you raise expectations that others will get the same break. If
you discipline an employee for misconduct you have tolerated in
the past, you run a greater risk of losing if sued.
6. Judges and juries like to see policies
and employment decisions in writing. “Oral”
policies and discipline aren’t worth the paper
they’re written on. If you insist on using “oral
warnings,” start videotaping them.
7. A badly written contract with an honest
person is better than an excellent contract with a thief.
8. Get to know the accounts payable clerk
of every company that could some day owe you money.
9. OSHA inspectors are more interested in
enforcing safety regulations than actual safe practices. If
OSHA regulations required blimps to use hydrogen gas, OSHA
inspectors would cite Goodyear for using helium.
10. Lawyers are difficult to deal with,
but government lawyers are worse. They are frequently
self-righteous, and they are frequently in their jobs because
they distrust business.
11. The office is no place for bad
language, vulgar jokes, and sexual banter. That’s why I
avoid the office whenever I can.
12. Print important e-mails; delete
e-mails after you print them. Read e-mails before you send
them.
13. Nobody likes lawyers, but everyone
wants a lawyer who is as mean as a snake. Besides, its 99
percent of the lawyers who give the others a bad name.
14. In the absence of rules, people should
exercise common sense. In the absence of common sense, people
need to have someone draft a rule.
15. It is unlucky to be superstitious.
16. If you have a choice between smart and
lucky, take lucky.
17. Bad employees affect good employees
more than good employees affect bad ones. Bad employees rarely
get better. It’s better to work short-handed than keep a
bad employee.
18. A client is more likely to get in
trouble by answering questions than keeping his mouth shut when
talking to a government official.
19. Like George Carlin says, if people
could read minds, there would be way more murders.
20. A good accountant is more valuable
than a good lawyer. Nevertheless, you need both.
21. If someone has to tell you how
important he is, he probably isn’t.
22. During an interview, be suspicious of
an employee who asks more about paid time off than anything
else. Do not hire an employee who asks: “Do you
prosecute?”
23. Never try to sugarcoat an employee
discharge for cause. Later, when the employee sues you, you
will learn why. Tell the truth.
24. The meaning of life is to work hard,
spend time with family and friends, have some fun, floss, and
repeat.
25. Wash your underwear, socks, towels,
and workout clothes. The rest should be taken to a professional
for proper cleaning and laundering.
Finally, as I turn 50 in less than three
weeks, I have learned that a person should never stop learning.
Read, take courses, master that computer, and tackle new
problems everyday.
Frank Kollman is a partner in the law firm
of Kollman & Saucier, PA, in Baltimore, MD. He can be
reached by phone at (410) 727-4300 or fax (410) 727-4391. His
firm’s web site at www.kollman-law.com has articles, sample policies, news and other
information on employee/employer relations.
